Multiples, especially identical twins, can find it hard if they are different in any way to their brother / sisters. It sometimes happens that one child holds themselves back from outperforming a less-able sibling or some non-identical multiples may respond by becoming fiercely competitive.

Sometimes parents are unsure how to respond when one child achieves, above the other(s), and can play this down for fear of the others’ reaction. This may become problematic if one child consistently outshines the other/s.

Feeling favouritism is a fairly common emotion in parents of multiples. Who the ‘preferred’ child is may change depending on the situation or your multiples' developmental period. Accept that this may happen, but try not to dwell on it. Here are a few tips:

• Avoid labelling your children with a particular trait such as ‘the clever one’ or ‘the naughty one’, and ensure others avoid using these labels too.
• Allow children to have individual goals which are realistic for them.
• Be consistent when managing each child’s behaviour.
• Find something in each child to encourage and praise.
• Try and provide time for each child’s interests; give turns to the children for choosing activities.
• Try to give each child the opportunity to spend time apart from their sibling(s).
• Encourage activities that children can do on their own for example drawing, writing and making things.

for more information have a look at our individuality factsheet