It is a tricky situation returning to work after a huge loss because at work, life 'goes on'. As your entire world is crumbling and falling apart, everyone else's world is continuing as they always have, regardless of what's happened to you. It's hard to join them in that world when you feel so empty.
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Be gentle with yourself when you return to work. It's so easy to default to survival mode. You might throw yourself back into work full force and pick up all the responsibilities you had before your loss. For some people, this works and helps them deal with their grief. For others, returning to 'normal' can feel impossible.
Grief takes everything we know about the world, shakes it around and leaves it upside down, sideways and backwards. Over time, things begin to look and feel familiar again. Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to adjust to the 'new normal' and find your feet.
Remember, you're not going crazy. The grief can feel relentless in the early days - trying to manage all these new emotions, it can seem like you're losing your mind. Take a moment. Step back. Breathe. You aren't going crazy. The brain fog is real and this new level of exhaustion you experience at the end of the working day is just your body processing everything that's changed since your loss.
Managing overwhelming moments
Find ways to manage those overwhelming moments. Step away from your laptop, get some fresh air, listen to some music or maybe call a friend. Grief doesn't shut off in working hours. The best way to manage and grow with your grief is to learn how to make space for it at all times of the day.
Accept that sometimes going back isn't the best thing for you. Sometimes people try for months or years to return to their roles with as much energy as they had before their loss. The reality is sometimes things change so much and the 'new normal' is so far from the old that actually it's best to just accept the change. You might not necessarily have to leave your organisation, it could be side stepping into a different role with less pressure.
It's important to ask for help - support is there
Ask for help. You're never alone in grief. Returning to work can be one of the toughest moments following the death of a loved one. Feeling overwhelmed and lost is completely normal. Keep talking to your manager about how you're doing so they can support you in the months ahead. Grief doesn't just disappear. Grief is a journey with lots of ups and downs and will affect the rest of your life.
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About the author
Harley Cunningham
When Harley returned to work, she realised there was a significant lack of support for bereaved employees.
Determined to make a positive impact, she shared her story and developed a new bereavement support strategy to help others in similar situations to ensure that employee needs are met with compassionate and effective support. She now works with the HR team to bridge the gap between employee needs and company support.
We asked Harley to reflect on her own experience and share her tips and recommendations for returning to work after the loss of a baby or babies. You can reach out to contact her by email.